The Hidden Abuse: How Parental Alienation Weaponises Children and Destroys Families. The child becomes the weapon.

Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) is a hidden form of domestic violence that often goes unnoticed - or worse, dismissed - by the very systems meant to protect children, namely, through the family court and child services (Department of Child Protection in Western Australia).

As International Parental Alienation Day approaches (25 April), it is crucial to raise awareness about this serious issue. Parental alienation is not a custody dispute. It is not a personality clash. It is a deliberate form of coercive control that harms children and victimises one parent - and their entire family.

Despite its devastating impact, many jurisdictions still fail to properly recognise or address parental alienation. Instead, they often blame the targeted parent, rather than protecting the child's best interests.

This post explores how parental alienation functions as coercive control, why it continues to be overlooked in legal settings, and what must change.

Because it must change.

I do not subscribe to feminism in the modern politicised sense of the word, nor am I here to suggest that all men are bad. I am not writing this to diminish the fact that men have absolutely endured these forms of abuse too.

Rather, for too long, women have been enduring these extreme forms of abuse in silence - driven by shame, and by a fierce instinct to protect their children. There is a global shift underway, where more and more women are rightly beginning to speak out.

If any references feel imbalanced, it is for no other reason than to help empower the countless women who have been subjected to this kind of torment - and who deserve to finally be heard.

Understanding Parental Alienation and Coercive Control

Parental alienation occurs when one parent manipulates a child to reject or fear the other parent without legitimate justification.

This manipulation can take many forms:

• Repeatedly badmouthing the other parent

• Limiting or blocking communication and visitation

• Creating false narratives about the targeted parent

• Encouraging the child to spy on or report back about the other parent

• Priming or coaching the child to make false allegations - particularly to authorities

• Running sustained smear campaigns to discredit and destroy the other parent's reputation

These are not isolated incidents. This is a pattern. A strategy.

Coercive control is now largely a recognised form of domestic violence, where one person uses psychological, emotional - and sometimes physical - tactics to dominate and isolate another.

Parental alienation fits squarely within this definition. It is about power. Control. Punishment.

The child becomes the weapon.

The impact on children is profound. They experience confusion, guilt, anxiety, and the loss of a meaningful relationship with a loving parent. Many develop unhealthy attachments to the alienating parent - something akin to Stockholm syndrome - where fear and dependency coexist.

They may fear the alienating parent, yet that is the only parent they are "allowed" access to.

In many cases, beneath the surface, the child's expressed rejection does not reflect their genuine emotional reality. They are fearful of the alienating parent.

The alienating parent gains ground through coercion, manipulation, and often perjury - despite being a serious offence, this appears to go unchallenged - and is disturbingly tolerated - within family court proceedings - a civil jurisdiction. The family court is a conversation of its own, where there is also a global shift and people are becoming fearless in speak up about what occurs - it is not necesarily what the wider public perceive it to be.

The targeted parent is left to endure emotional trauma, social isolation, financial devastation, and reputational damage.

While parental alientation frequently surfaces wihtin custody proceedings, make no mistake - it is not a custody dispute. It is abuse. The family court setting is simply where it becomes visible.

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As Prousky (2024) writes:

"Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) emerges predominantly in the context of child-custody disputes, where one parent (the alienator) systematically denigrates the other parent (the alienated parent) to the child. This paper delves into the hypothesis that evil underlies some cases of PAS, examining its implications and the way it corrupts individuals."

Source: Prousky, J. (2024). Does evil underlie some cases of parental alienation syndrome? Medical Research Archives. https://esmed.org/evil-and-parental-alienation-syndrome-a-hypothesis/

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Why Parental Alienation Is Still Dismissed

Despite growing global awareness, many courts and child welfare agencies continue to minimise - or outright ignore - parental alienation.

Why?

Because it is easier to misunderstand it than to confront it.

• Misunderstanding the dynamics: Professionals may frame alienation as normal conflict, or worse, as the child's independent choice.

• Bias against the targeted parent: The alienated parent is often recast as the problem - labelled controlling, unstable, or unfit.

• Training exists - but application fails: Judges, lawyers, social workers, child psychologists, child welfare workers, child lawyers and authorities have received training - which is great. They have seen these patterns across their careers. This is not new. Yet too often, due to alliances, bias, or one party being better resourced, the abuse is allowed to continue. That is not in the child's best interests.

• Over-focus on physical abuse: Legal systems and authorities still seem to prioritise visible harm, while psychological and emotional abuse remains dangerously underestimated.

• Faulty assumptions: There is a dangerous tendency to assume that if a child is withheld from a parent, there must be a valid reason - rather than questioning the withholding itself.

Cases like Goudarzi & Bagheri expose a deeply troubling reality within family law: even when a judge acknowledges parental alienation - psychological abuse - the decision to leave a child with the alienating parent can deepen lifelong harm to an innocent child. Instead of actively working to rebuild the relationship with the estranged parent, the focus shifts to short-term stability over long-term emotional wellbeing, further entrenching the alienation. In doing so, the system risks becoming part of the harm itself, leaving the child more isolated and the relationship even harder to repair. That is fundamentally at odds with what the court is meant to protect.

This failure leaves children exposed. It empowers the abusive parent.

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As Amanda Sillars says: "Parental alienation is emotional and psychological abuse of the child and the alienated parent."

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More research is emerging on the long-term effects on children - and importantly, those children are now growing up and speaking out.

Some have even attempted to sue courts and judges. And frankly, they should. These systems made the decisions that allowed the abuse to continue.

There was a case in the United States where a child successfully sued the courts and received significant compensation. But no amount of money can restore the time lost with a loving parent.

In most countries, however, judicial immunity makes holding decision-makers accountable incredibly difficult. Personally, I find that antiquated - and completely unacceptable.

Because without accountability, what changes?

No one is, or should feel, protected enough to believe they are above the law.

What stops unlawful conduct? What prevents inappropriate relationships or conflicts of interest? What ensures decisions are truly made in the best interests of the child?

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As Amanda Sillars writes:

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗶𝗹𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗱𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗵... 𝗣𝗔𝗥𝗘𝗡𝗧𝗔𝗟 𝗔𝗟𝗜𝗘𝗡𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡.

𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙡𝙤𝙨𝙨 𝙤𝙛 𝙖 𝙘𝙝𝙞𝙡𝙙 𝙞𝙨 𝙙𝙚𝙫𝙖𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜. 𝘼𝙡𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙨 𝙚𝙭𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙚 𝙖𝙢𝙗𝙞𝙜𝙪𝙤𝙪𝙨 𝙡𝙤𝙨𝙨* 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙡𝙤𝙨𝙨 𝙤𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙞𝙧 𝙘𝙝𝙞𝙡𝙙 𝙬𝙝𝙤 𝙞𝙨 𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙖𝙡𝙞𝙫𝙚. 𝙏𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙡𝙤𝙨𝙨 𝙞𝙨 𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙥𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙙 𝙗𝙮 𝙗𝙚𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙙𝙚𝙣𝙞𝙜𝙧𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙫𝙞𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙞𝙚𝙙 𝙖𝙨 𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙩 𝙤𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙖𝙡𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙘𝙚𝙨𝙨. 𝘼𝙡𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙨 𝙚𝙭𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙚 𝙙𝙚𝙨𝙥𝙖𝙞𝙧, 𝙝𝙚𝙡𝙥𝙡𝙚𝙨𝙨𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙨, 𝙛𝙧𝙪𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣, 𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙚𝙧, 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙛𝙪𝙨𝙞𝙤𝙣. 𝙈𝙖𝙣𝙮 𝙖𝙡𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙨 𝙚𝙭𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙚 𝙨𝙞𝙜𝙣𝙞𝙛𝙞𝙘𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙛𝙞𝙣𝙖𝙣𝙘𝙞𝙖𝙡 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙚𝙢𝙤𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙖𝙡 𝙘𝙤𝙨𝙩𝙨 𝙖𝙨𝙨𝙤𝙘𝙞𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙩𝙧𝙮𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙤 𝙛𝙞𝙣𝙙 𝙖 𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙤𝙡𝙪𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣 𝙞𝙣 𝙖 𝙡𝙚𝙜𝙖𝙡 𝙨𝙮𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙢 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙖𝙡 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙡𝙩𝙝 𝙨𝙚𝙧𝙫𝙞𝙘𝙚𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙙𝙤 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙪𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙖𝙡 𝙖𝙡𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣.

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Real-Life Impact

Sarah is a mother who lost contact with her son after a bitter separation. Her former partner repeatedly told the child that Sarah did not love him - that she was dangerous.

Over time, the child believed it. He refused to see her.

In court, Sarah’s concerns and subsequent warnings about alienation were dismissed. The focus remained on minor disputes, while the deeper breakdown in the mother–child relationship was not meaningfully addressed. Her lived reality was effectively set aside.

Take David, a father accused of being controlling and uncooperative. He maintained that false or exaggerated allegations were used to restrict his access to his daughter, while the child became increasingly caught between two irreconcilable narratives.

David raised concerns about parental alienation. He was met with scepticism, and the court ultimately accepted the opposing account, leaving him with severely limited contact.

These are not isolated experiences.

In a growing body of commentary and reported cases on family court outcomes, parents describe custody proceedings as profoundly destabilising - particularly where long-term separation from their children follows court determinations. Many report symptoms consistent with severe psychological trauma: depression, anxiety, emotional collapse, and a sense of total loss of identity as a parent.

The case of Dr. Julia Goldmark has recently resurfaced across social media - and it is not hard to understand why. Julia, a neuropsychologist and mother, took her own life in mid-2025 after five years of being separated from her son Alexander. Not because a court found her unfit, but because a judge continued to credit her ex-partner's false allegations despite a forensic evaluation finding no reason to deny her contact. All criminal charges against her were dropped. She completed her doctorate. She retained legal representation and was reportedly close to regaining visitation.

It was not enough.

Another mother, Lizzie, died the same month under similarly devastating circumstances - also separated from her children for five years, also failed by the same court system.

These are not tragedies that happened to fragile people. These are the foreseeable consequences of a system that repeatedly failed to act in the interest of children or their mothers.

Source: https://womenscoalition.substack.com/p/mom-commits-suicide-after-5-years?utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&utm_id=97758_v0_s00_e223_tv0&triedRedirect=true

That reality should stop us all in our tracks.

Recognising the Signs

Early recognition matters.

Warning signs of parental alienation include:

• Sudden or repeated allegations reported to mandatory reporters - teachers, principals, police

• Claims that are implausible or “remembered” from infancy

• Sudden rejection or fear of a parent without clear reason

• A child parroting adult language or accusations

• Lack of guilt when rejecting the targeted parent

• Unexplained hostility or disproportionate anger

• One parent consistently blocking communication or access

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The 2024 UK case Re GB (Parental Alienation: Factual Findings) revealed a father systematically manipulating family court officials, his children, and the mother while falsely claiming to be the victim of abuse. Evidence showed the father used body-worn cameras to harass the mother and weaponised accusations of parental alienation to cause distress. Detailed reporting on this case is available from The Guardian.

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What Must Change

Addressing parental alienation requires coordinated, systemic change.

• Intensive, real-world training for judges, lawyers, social workers, child psychologists, child welfare workers, child lawyers and authorities - including the voices of those they failed to protect, aka the victims

• Use of specialised evaluators who understand coercive control and psychological abuse

• Legal reform that properly recognises emotional abuse as grounds for intervention

• Stronger support services for targeted parents and affected children

• Public awareness campaigns that challenge misconceptions

• Real accountability - for those who perpetrate alienation, and for those who enable it. This must extend to judges, and to mandatory reporters who fail in their duty, withhold evidence, or disregard a child's own disclosures proving the innocence of a targeted parent

• Psychiatric intervention where appropriate for alienating parents, particularly where "dark" personality traits are evident - including where a parent uses their own child as a pawn, brainwashing them in order to harm and gain advantage over the other parent.

Parental alienation must be treated for what it is: a serious form of domestic violence.

A Direct Message to Targeted Parents

If you are experiencing parental alienation, hear this clearly:

Do not stay silent.

Research shows that targeted parents typically do not speak ill of the other parent to their child. It is the alienating parent who has, more than likely, been quietly working to turn the children against the other parent.

You are not helping them by saying nothing.

Speak to your children. Age-appropriately, truthfully - without attacking, but without pretending.

Because if you do not tell them what is happening, someone else will. And that version may not be the truth.

Speak now, and speak openly. There are legal mechanisms that can silence victims - and they are used. Do not wait until your voice is restricted to find it.

Challenge Your Assumptions

If you know a parent who does not have custody, pause before assuming they have done something wrong. Instead, ask:

• What kind of parent removes a child from the other parent?

• Why are we so quick to trust systems that repeatedly get this wrong?

• Why are we not questioning decisions that place children with an abusive, controlling parent?

Really, what kind of parent would take their child from the other fit, loving, capable and willing parent? What kind of family would support this? A very scary reality - and one that does indeed occur, in parents, in families.

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"A good Father does not abuse his children's Mother. A man's abuse of a Mother proves in itself that he is not thinking or caring adequately about what is good for the children" - Lundy Bancroft.

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Scepticism

When a parent with full custody makes damaging claims about the other parent - namely, that they are crazy, unfit, violent or have some sort of mental health diagnosis. Be wary and proceed with caution before believing them.

A healthy, normal parent would not hold full custody of a child against the wishes of another healthy, loving and capable parent - unless in extreme circumstances, or where only one parent is alive.

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A smear campaign by a father against a mother often involves systematic manipulation of children, family members, or court professionals to falsely portray the mother as unfit, unstable, or malicious. This tactic is heavily utilized in high-conflict custody cases to alienate children from the mother. Source : Radley Family Law.

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Supporting Victims and Raising Awareness

If you suspect parental alienation within your family, friendships, or community - support the child. Support the targeted parent.

Believe them.

This is when they need it most.

24 April marks International Parental Alienation Day. If you know someone affected, reach out - especially on days that matter: Mother's Day, Father's Day, birthdays, milestones. And take a closer look at situations that seem "too clean".

A parent with full custody is not always the safer parent. Sometimes, it is the opposite.

Raising awareness also means demanding change - within courts, within child services, and within our communities.

Victims need validation - not blame.

Children deserve safe, loving relationships with both parents - whenever possible.

I have written this piece purely as an advocate - to shed light on an issue that, in my studies, is deeply misunderstood and dangerously overlooked. My hope is simply to educate, to raise awareness, and to play a small part in driving the positive, meaningful change that is so desperately needed.

Lidia Kukulj.