Coercive Control is Domestic Violence

As a long-standing advocate against Family and Domestic Violence (FDV), I have a deep understanding of the intricacies and levels of abuse.

It is fantastic that we have finally emerged into a world that now has a platform for this once-taboo topic to be spoken about with confidence, backed by so many lived experiences.

For too long, female victims would shy away from their truth. Their voices are slowly gaining tempo as they build into an orchestra.

Women would, and some still do, shy away from their victimhood, as the wider perception is still that the female is broadly considered the “crazy one.” By sharing their truth, it would often have a reverse effect.

However, more often than not, in fact, she is completely normal. She has done nothing wrong whatsoever. Sometimes, all she did “wrong” was escape an abusive relationship, or at least attempt to escape.

Make no judgement. This is not a women vs. men forum. I am certainly not a feminist in the sense of those who burn bras and scream Women’s Lib.

I am one who genuinely believes men and women both deserve equality. However, generally, there are different strengths between the two - I won’t get into that now. For context, I am not saying all men are bad and abusive; most definitely, some women are also. I am merely acknowledging what seems to be a global rise in the voices of victimised women - and rightly so.

For the purpose of this post, it is about women, and supporting their voices and their stories of abuse and triumph. Triumph in their courage to speak up and, with confidence, say: I am a victim of Domestic Violence.

At the heart of Domestic Violence is Coercive Control.

Coercive Control is a behaviour often driven by one or multiple disorders—narcissists (true narcissists), psychopaths, deeply unwell individuals, often very jealous individuals. Spiritually, they are harmful. The extent that the coercive controlling abuser will go to has no limits. It is well researched and documented: if they can’t destroy you one way, they will find another - stripping you of almost everything, especially what you love the most.

Coercive Control is the very foundation and the absolute first stage of Domestic Violence.

The header is Coercive Control. The sub-headers to Coercive Control are (in no particular order):

Post-Separation Abuse: Once you leave your abusive relationship, especially if you leave them, the level of abuse often amplifies. It escalates to such an extent that even you can’t believe how far the abuser will go. When you share any part of your story, even the smallest detail, listeners can struggle to grasp it. Sadly, this can have an adverse response, where the storyteller is perceived as telling fiction - but it is not.

System/Courtroom Abuse: They will drag you through court and the system. In doing so, they may commit perjury, fraud - whatever it takes - to wear you down through a system they manipulate with lies. Blatant lies. During this time, they are often presenting themselves favourably to the system and its players.

Financial/Economic Abuse: This can occur in many ways - taking money, assets, superannuation, even targeting family resources. They may control finances, close bank accounts, remove your access - whatever allows them to maintain control. This is often compounded through system/courtroom abuse, limiting your ability to defend yourself.

Emotional/Mental Abuse: This, sadly, is fairly self-explanatory.

Physical Abuse: Also self-explanatory. However, coercive control comes first - it always does.

Parental Alienation: In my opinion, this is one of the worst forms. This is when children are used as pawns - through manipulation, coaching, withholding, or misrepresentation. Children may be led to believe you do not love them, or that you are harmful. To use children to inflict harm on another person is among the lowest behaviours.

You may wonder how I know all of this. This comes from over a decade of assiduously learning about every aspect of this form of abuse. I have spoken to countless victims and listened to their stories. I have read, watched, and learned at a deep level.

What is encouraging is that there is more and more conversation happening. This creates space for others to open up. The more discussion, the more knowledge - and we all know what knowledge is, right? Knowledge is power.

Now, we need the power of leadership to recognise this fully and criminalise it in every country and every state. I am in Western Australia - often one of the last to act. When I was selected to run for pre-selection for a political party, one of my primary goals, alongside supporting families and our community, was to see coercive control criminalised as a priority.

It is appalling that it is not yet fully criminalised.

Where do these forms of abuse mostly occur, in the family court. A civil jurisdiction, which takes on criminal matters. It is incredibly encouraging to see, that there is a global uprise in exposing the cesspool of what is the family court. Some of the stories that come out of that place, are utterly unbelievable. I will be sharing more on that in the coming posts, reallife storeis, brace yourself.

Otherwise, it was encouraged to learn that the first man in Australia was finally criminalised for coercive control. That is one - but there are countless more cases.

So, my dear reader, if you hear someone say they are a victim of coercive control, believe them. Do not ostracise them. They are almost certainly a victim. They may have even reported the abuse and not been believed - or worse, had it turned against them. The best you can do is believe, support, and do not enable the abuser.